You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
