i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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