I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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