My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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