I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
