So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
