also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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