hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
