Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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