Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
