he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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