We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
