just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
