help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
