Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
