Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
