She went from zero to smokin in five shots
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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