good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
