I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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