It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
