I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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