Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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