I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
