He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize