i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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