I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
