Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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