Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
