this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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