Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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