i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
