My hand turned me down
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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