my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
