seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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