If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
