the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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