Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
