Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
