Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
