I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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