shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize