This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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