Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
