i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
