This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
