I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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