I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
