My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
