i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
