She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
