He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
