I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize