My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
