When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
