is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
