I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my being single is dangerous.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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