I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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