I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
