am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
