There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's get the cat blown out
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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