She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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