she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
