This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
