We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize