Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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