DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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