Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize