i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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