bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
