I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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