Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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