Banned from zoo.
Again?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I need a beard to bite.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
