But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
