I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
