I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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