he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
