nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
