apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
