Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
