I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
