i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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