Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
