Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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