Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
