he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found a bag of teeth...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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