no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
