i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
