Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
