I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
