I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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