Your dad touched me again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
