Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
