My friends, they love my intelligence
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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