are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
