We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
