SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
